A message for when you experience discouragement | guest post
by Esther Seib Shelley
As a business coach with an emphasis on networking strategies, I’ve had my share of struggles, so may I talk to you about taking responsibility for your dreams and your mindset?
I spent a year waffling around from idea to idea, starting this then that, before getting clarity. I had no direct encouragement from my loved ones, but I wasn’t discouraged either. My husband said, “If you can make this work, go for it.” But he felt it was a soft service and not worth hanging your hat on.
The truth is, it’s not his dream. It’s mine. He couldn’t connect with my dream because it wasn’t his to connect with. That realization was very key for me.
I started to see a trend in my life where at times I’d be totally motivated and gung-ho, and then peter out into discouragement. I’d go to a high-end event and come home totally motivated and excited, a lot of adrenaline, a flurry of great action and follow-up, and then slowly wind down and peter out...yes, into sluggishness and discouragement. I felt like one of those wind-up toys that we played with as children.
The Roller-Coaster Highs and Lows
I went to another event, and wow, zooming along again! I looked at this and thought darn, I think I have to go to four events a year to keep my momentum up! Surely at some point, I have to learn how to motivate myself internally?
Shouldn’t I, as an adult, be able to internalize my motivation rather than have to constantly have external stimulation. Now, I’m not knocking events. There is a really special thing that happens at an event. The energy is palpable, and being understood by others in the room who ‘get’ you, your drive, your unique gift, your excitement—I feed off of that! And certainly, the boost to business is very much worth multiple events a year! But the roller coaster highs and lows—surely there was a way to manage this?
"Shouldn’t I, as an adult, be able to internalize my motivation rather than have to constantly have external stimulation"
About this time I watched a well-known coach from the States do a training on how coaching success is only at 16% because, our clients have to follow through, and not everyone does. I was really discouraged by this as I don't like those odds for my clients.
A discussion ensued within that group about this data and what could be done to change the data. What was our responsibility as coaches? Because I’m relatively anal, it started me on a research trail and here is what I learned:
take responsibility for your own dreams & mindset ...
- 1This is your dream. People are not going to be excited about your dream...they are responsible for theirs, and yes, it would be nice if they took their negativity somewhere else, but the truth is, people like being negative. This is actually normal. Shouldn't be this way, but it is.
- 2It feels like everything is hard when your niche is not properly aligned yet. Or when you are talking to people that aren't aligned with you. So don't take that as wrong or bad. Take it as a way to determine when you are on the right track and when you are not. Take note of that!
- 3Create tiny habits. Stress is normal in business so take steps to manage it. Stress is anything you don't know how to do, or is uncomfortable, or something like that. Try to transfer a lot of things into 'muscle memory'. You know when you drive a car and end up in your driveway with no memory of the trip? You drove by muscle memory. Make habits of your day. Do your tasks in the same way, the same order, wherever you can. Once you have built the habit, it won't be stressful for you anymore. We are less stressed if we can spend 40% of our lives living from muscle memory. That needs to be our goal. What can you do to create a morning routine, a social media posting routine, a blog posting routine—whatever your tasks are, create a checklist and make a routine
- 4Be proactive about your mindset. Start your own personal mindset mantras. Anything that you read, or hear, that encourages you--write it out as if it's already so. No, don't lie. Take it as programming yourself. We have programmed so much negativity into our minds and it influences everything. Be prepared to set up times where you are actively programming your brain about how you will think about your work, respond to your work, respond to comments, etc.
- 5I hate to say it, but it's all on you. Only you are responsible, but that's okay! That's good! You can't trust anyone else with your dreams! They can't get it because you are still in process of discovering it yourself! It's okay! It doesn't matter! Because the one thing you CAN do is control your own actions! If you are discouraged and you've made up a list of mindset mantras, then you are prepared for those times and know exactly what to do! Read them out loud. Emphasize the words you need to hear, put it into a rap beat, clap with the beat...all those things will raise your energy, make it real, transfer it from left brain to right brain and back again...and that's when your mood will lift!
NO ONE CAN DO IT YOUR WAY ...
You are amazing.
You are incredibly talented.
You are made for this--uniquely created to gift the world in just THIS way!
NO one else can do it your way. No one can replace you!
Your people - those who need your message - are waiting for you. Your words, said your way, are what they desperately need to hear.
Sit down right now—grab your pen and paper and write your message to them. At first it may come out disjointed, but keep writing, don’t stop! Your message will become clear and flowing.
One day that message will become part of a great work. It may start as small messages, modules perhaps. But as you write, you will see a bigger and bigger picture. Just write, and it will all come out as it should, when it should and how it should.
You can do this!
Esther Seib Shelley, a member of the Online Profits University, is a business coach with an emphasis on networking strategies.
Connect with Esther in her “Networking Magic” Facebook Group: